A Raven's Secret
by GomamonisAwsome
Summary: I'm new to writing Fan Fiction. This is also the first one I'm publishing. So if this sucks I apologize. Raven has a crush on a certain green changeling and is cutting herself. How will she react when she senses an all too familiar emotion from his room? Rating may change later. Rated for use of of swear words, cutting, and mention of suicide.
1. Chapter 1

A Raven's Love.

Raven's POV.

I woke up to the alluring scent of eggs and bacon. I groaned got up and slipped on my leotard and cloak. "I can't have them seeing my arms" I said. I began going to the kitchen when I felt an all too familiar emotion coming from Beast boy's room. "No" I said as my eyes got wide. I ran to his room and pounded on the door. "BEAST BOY. OPEN UP" I shouted. When I heard a clattering I simply teleported in. I found him lying on the floor with a hunting knife in his hand with bloody arms that he was covering up with his uniform. "Beast boy. What is this" I asked. "I hate myself Rae. Ever since you said you never wanted to see me again I've hated myself" He said as tears began to well up in his eyes. "I never said I never wanted to see you again. Who the hell told you that?" I questioned. "You did. In this letter." He said as he held up a piece of paper. I took it in my hands and read it. It read,

Dear Beast boy.

I thought and thought and thought about this and I found no other way to say it. I hate you. I've always hated you. I never want to see you again. Ever. Now I hope that you get it. I will never, ever love you back. I never did care for you much.

Raven.

I looked at the note in a shocked awe. I looked between the note, Beast boy, and the knife on the ground. "I never wrote this. Beast boy, I would never write this BECAUSE I love you back. Can you imagine the pain you would have put me in if you had cut your wrist or a vein or artery?" I asked him. "No. I thought you didn't care about what happened to me. That's why I have been cutting myself." He said. "Will you show me the cuts?" I asked. He lifted his sleeves in response. I gasped as I seen the cuts. He had them all the way going up from his hands to his shoulders. On both arms. Then he flipped his arms over. On this side he had words. He had words that read hurtful things like, Freak, loved, pain. And the most haunting was the word that he had just finished. This word was still bleeding. Homo. "Best boy why would you cut such hurtful things into your arms. Why would you cut…Homo?" I asked. "Because its true. I love you Raven. But there is a side of me that I can't deny. The side of me that has attractions towards men. I was in denial and wanted to die. So I started this and now I cant seem to be able to stop." He said. "Beast boy. If you want us to go out then I will. But first. I want you to know that I have been doing the same thing as you." I said as I lifted my sleeves. I had cuts that weren't as frequent but were slightly deeper. I began to cry as he took my hands into his. He pulled me into a tight embrace and I didn't hesitate to hug back. We stood there hugging for about twenty minutes and then he led me out to the breakfast table. I sat there as he went into the kitchen. He came back out about twenty minutes later carrying a tray that had an array of foods on it. He had made me eggs, bacon, toast, sausage, ham, potatoes, and tea. He sat down beside me as he watched me look I asked him if he wanted anything to eat. He replied with a no and watched as I began. After about two eggs and a couple pieces of meat I was done. He took the remaining food back to the kitchen and set the cup of tea down. I looked at him with thanks in my eye and began sipping it. "Well Beast boy. I think we have a lot to talk about.


	2. Chapter 2

Beast boy POV.

I sat and watched as Raven ate the breakfast I grabbed for her. When she was done I got up and took the dishes to the kitchen. When I got back Raven said, "Well Beast boy I guess we have a lot to talk about." "What do you want to talk about Rae?" I asked. "I want to know if you were thinking about…Suicide." Raven said. "I was. I was going to slash my wrists after I finished cutting Homo into my arm. Then you showed up. I knew that I would be stopped if any of you knew. So I was going to do it while you were all gone. I didn't know you were still here. Ever since the incident with the beast and that note I have wanted to die." Beast boy said with his head in his hands. "Beast boy. How many times do I have to say it? IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT. NOBODY BLAMES YOU." Raven yelled. "But that doesn't excuse the fact that I almost destroyed you." I said as I fell apart. She came over and put her hand on my back and started rubbing it. I raised my head and cried into her shoulder. She hugged me and said comforting words. "Beast boy. Don't cry. Seeing you sad hurts me. Just imagine if Starfire came in here and seen you like this." She said. "If she did I would likely end up in one of her death hugs. I am not in the mood to be crushed." I said beginning to smile. "Friends I would like to go to the mall of shopping. Will you accompany me?" Starfire asked. "Sure. Just let us get ready. Do you want us to ask anyone else. Like Kid Flash and Jinx?" "Oh that would be most wonderful. I shall go and ask Robin and Cyborg." Starfire said as she went flying out of the room. "I'll call Jinx and KF." I said. I left and went to my room. "Jinx. KF, come in." I said. "What do you want Beast boy? Me and Kid Flash are going to the mall in a moment." Jinx said sounding very annoyed. "Oh. I was calling to see if you wanted to go with us." I said rubbing the back of my head. "Oh. I'll see if Kid Flash wants to run us over there." Jinx said. "Alright meet us there in like twenty minutes." She said. "Ok. Thanks for coming." I said. I started walking out of my room and something shiny caught my eye. I walked over and it was the hunting knife that Raven stopped me from ending my life with. I picked it up and started examining the blade. "I hope you're not trying to use that." My girlfriend said as she began walking in. "I'm not. I'm just wondering if I should tell the others." I said. In truth I was about to pull up my sleeve and start slashing. "Don't lie to me Beast boy. I CAN read minds, remember?" She said sort of harshly. "I was. I was going to slash up my arm." I said feeling ashamed. "Beast boy. You need to stop hiding from this. To be honest, when I went to grab a different cloak I seen my blades and was about to cut. Then I thought about those who I would hurt if I killed myself. I wouldn't be able to protect the city. I thought about you." She said softly. I looked her in the eye. I could tell she was seriously sad. She looked up at me. After about a minute we simultaneously leaned in and we kissed. We kissed passionately until Starfire came and knocked on my door. We broke apart and I saw her blush before she put up her hood and we walked out. We all piled into the T car and drove to the mall. When we got there we walked in and Robin asked which store we wanted to go to first. Starfire said she wanted to go to a clothes store. Cyborg said the electronics store. Robin decided he would go to the sports shop. So me and Raven went to the book store first. We browsed a bit and she finally found the book she was looking for. It was called, A Raven's Secret. We then went to the check out and when we were done we decided to go to the meeting place and wait. That's when we heard the explosion and scream.


	3. Chapter 3

A Raven's secret Chapter three.

Raven POV.

I had barely started my book when we had heard the explosion and scream. "You have GOT to be shitting me. I thought that we would have a nice day to chill at the mall but noooo. We just HAD to have someone attack today. Let's get the others and get going." I said highly irritated. We ran around the mall to find Starfire, Cyborg, and then lastly Robin. We ran/flew outside and were met with a visit from Cinderblock. He was attacking randomly not caring about what he destroyed. He was about to smash a teenage couple when he has hit by a sonic blast from Cyborg. "Oh Damn. Guess that guy is dating the girl Cinderblock has a crush on." He said in a taunting voice. Cinderblock roared and began running towards Cyborg. He was hit by a random bus that was cloaked in a dark aura. He lifted it up and threw it back. A green pterodactyl knocked me out of the way and I watched in horror as my boyfriend was hit by a bus. He fell from the air bleeding from a cut on his hairline. Starfire caught him and set him down on the pavement. She then shot her eyebeams at him. Which hit him and he fell backwards into Robin's trap which consisted of him falling onto steel beams, which Starfire heated up and I formed around him. He stopped moving as he was entrapped. He roared and felt a black aura cover his mouth and he was silenced. I then ran over to Best boy's limp form. "Please don't be dead, please don't be dead, please don't be dead!" I was saying as I ran. He stirred and I felt a major weight lift from my shoulders. I began healing him. He had three broken ribs, a deep cut on his hairline, a broken shoulder, and a broken ankle. I healed the cut and internal bleeding. Then I went to work on his ankle. I managed to heal it into a small crack. It should take him two weeks to heal. His ribs were all fine. I healed those completely. His shoulder was a different story. I got it back into place and I got it healed to a clean break. It could take anywhere from three weeks to three months. I began crying and carried him on a stretcher of dark aura I had the others help me get him to the medical bay. We laid him down and Cyborg began hooking him up to the machines. He finished hooking him up and he groaned and woke up. "Raven. RAVEN ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" He said shooting up on his bed he was stopped by a gentle hand from Starfire. "I'm fine Beast boy. But you aren't. I healed everything but wasn't able to fully heal your ankle or shoulder." I said apologetically. "Thank you Raven. I don't know what I would do without you. I'm ready to get up now." He said as he stood up. I handed him a pair of crutches. We stood up and went to the kitchen. He unknowingly put the crutch in a small puddle of Silkie's slobber. He slipped and I caught him. He screamed out in pain and I realized he grabbed his shoulder. "Oh SHIT! I'm sorry Beast boy! Are you alright?" I asked. "Yeah. I'm…fine." He said. I put my hand on his chest and the healing aura took the pain. He sighed and sat down. "Can you get me something to eat?" Beast boy asked. "Of course I can. Give me a moment." I said. I started cooking him tofu and got him a glass of water in the meantime. He looked at me with gratitude and started eating. When he was finished I brought his plate back into the kitchen and I walked back out. "Hey. Can you tell me what your book is about?" Beast boy asked as he took a sip of his water. "Sure. It's about a girl who is in a mental health hospital and she has hallucinations about a raven who talks to her and tries to convince her to commit suicide. But than a boy who is around her age comes and starts visiting her. She realizes she has a crush on him and starts cutting herself thinking that he doesn't feel the same. And he goes there and confesses his feelings for her. She is bleeding out because of a cut she had hidden. The Raven had finally convinced her to kill herself by saying, "He'll never love you. He wants you dead because then he can spend time on his friends." So she cut her wrist and he showed up. He got the bleeding to stop and he managed to get her healthy enough to get out. She moved in and got married with him. Then they had kids and they all lived happily ever after." I said as I drank tea. "Wow. That sounds like a slightly demented. But it sounds like something that you would read." He said. "I guess we need to keep all of this stuff down. Ok. Do you want to talk about other titan couples?" I asked. "Sure. Let's get started."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four of, A Raven's Secret.

Beast boy POV.

"Ok. Everyone knows that Robin and Starfire NEED to admit their feelings for each other and get together." I said.

"I entirely agree with you. They need to realize that they are perfect for each other. I think that Cyborg and Bumblebee would make an awesome couple too. He could try to keep her in line and she could humiliate him. It would all work out." Raven replied.

"Yes. That IS one of the best combinations there is." I said.

We sat there and thought for a moment while my girlfriend sipped her tea and I stared blankly out the window. I perked up and looked at the door when I saw my best friend Cyborg walk in.

"Yo BB, you wanna play some video games or something?" He asked while walking over and turning on the game station.

"Sure. Can we play that racing game that Bumblebee always woops your ass at?" I said winking at Raven, who looked like she was trying not to laugh. Cyborg fumed and started muttering about how she cheats. The game started and ended. He won like usual.

"Boo Ya!" He exclaimed. I smiled and set my controller down while he got up and started doing a victory dance.

"Ok ok. Settle down Cyborg. Why don't you try to beat me in training?" I asked.

"Alright. I can do that without a problem. Go get Robin and Star for training?" Cyborg asked.

"You're on! Raven you coming?" I asked.

"Sure. I'll meet you guys down there. I want Robin and Star at the controls while I'm doing the course though." She replied as she set down her book.

"Ahhhhhhh. Why? Do you not trust me or something?" I asked using my whiney voice.

"Uhhhhh, NO. A) Your my boyfriend. I wouldn't trust you to do that ever. B) Cyborg always sets it as high as it can go. C) Robin and Starfire are simply more sensible than either of you." She said with an exasperated sigh.

"Alright, point taken. But you can still let us help right?" I asked.

"No. I'm still not trusting of you two." She said with a glare.

"Pleeeeeeaaaaassssseeeee?" I said using my cutest face. I decided it would be best for me to simply shut up when her eyes began to glow her demonic red color. All four of them. She began walking down to the training course and got ready. I went and got Robin and Starfire and brought them down. I told them that only they were allowed to be at the controls while Raven was running the course. Starfire and Robin decided to use the system that rated each of the titans out of ten.

Raven began the course with discs being launched at her. Her hands began glowing with dark aura. While discs came closer and closer she began putting her hands at the places the discs would impact. She made small force fields where they would hit her and she blocked every single one. The next part of the course was the launchers that shot rocks and lasers.

She dodged the lasers and rocks by moving around them. When she realized she had flown into a trap and she had eight launchers ready to launch at any direction she flew. She sensed no way out and got a clever idea.

She stopped, at 300 feet in the air, and let go of the energy she used to hover. She fell and fell until she was about twenty feet off the ground she then began reusing the energy to slow her fall and created a portal the led behind the farthest blaster. She opened it and found the targeting system. She rewired to fire at the other ones. While she had her distraction she flew towards the finish line. At the last moment she was grabbed by one of the Slade bots they kept and had about thirteen more jump on her. I sat and watched in horror as my girlfriend was getting pummeled. Then I realized she had a large bubble of dark energy fling all of them off. She crossed the finish line with a score of 10/10. It was my turn next.

I walked down to the training course and got ready. The starting bell allowed me to begin. I ran in my human form until I had the discs launched at me. I morphed into a rhino and began running, smashing through any and all discs that got in my way. I got to segment two and started having the rocks and lasers shot at me. I morphed into a pterodactyl and I deftly dodged every bolt. I landed as a tyrannosaurus and began biting and smashing through the machines as I ran. I morphed into a raven for the last part and went to work dodging the reprogrammed blasts that the robots fired at me. I swirled for a landing and ran across the finish line. The scoring mechanism beeped and rated me as a 9/10. I groaned as Cyborg walked onto the field. Knowing he was sure to get a ten out of ten.

I walked back and sat down beside Raven, who gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. I morphed into a dog and she began scratching my back as Cyborg ran the course. When he was done the system beeped and the rating he got was ridiculous. He stared in open mouth shock, as did the rest of us, at the 6/10 he got. Starfire went next and ended with a 9/10. Robin went next and finished with a 10/10. 'No surprises here' I thought.

We decide on pizza for supper and went out.

Third person POV.

"They have no idea what they just laced themselves into." Said someone from the shadows.


	5. Chap Five

Hey guys. I'm sorry it took me so long to update. School has been destroying me recently. I basically have a mountain of homework each night. So, once again, I apologize, I will try to update at least three times a week. Lindberg out.

Robin POV.

We were on our way to the pizza place when we heard crashing and screams. Seeing as Raven had finished healing Beast boy before they had begun training, I thought it might be good for him to work the ankle a bit.

"Doctor light." I said in that voice I use.

"Titans. It seems you are too late. I just finished my latest weapon. It uses technology from foreign planets to contrast a beam in the shape of aurora borealis!" Doctor light said.

I smirked ever to knowing of where the dark empathy girl was.

Doctor light realized it too. He dropped the bags of money, put down his hands, and gently requested he be put into custody of the police.

We got back on our way to get pizza and this time made it on time to order, eat, and get home before eight thirty. But something wasn't right. Starfire hadn't made eye contact with me all day.

After we got out of the T car Raven and Beast boy headed for the roof. Cyborg went to his room, and Starfire was about to leave.

"Hey Star? What is going on?"

Starfire POV.

I had not made eye contact with Richard all day.

The truth is, I had been going to prepare food when I heard Beast boy and Raven say that me and Robin should admit our feelings and *Hook Up*.

"Hey Star? What is going on?" Robin had asked me.

"I believe I would rather speak to Raven about it." I replied. He wouldn't let me go.

"Robin. Why will you not let me go?" I asked. Hoping he wouldn't see my blush and notice I love him.

"Because Star. I really care for you," He said stepping in closer. "Actually Starfire, I love you."

I was shocked but overjoyed. I had been hoping to hear those words since the first time we battled on the same side.

"Robin I-" I was unable to finish because he leaned in and kissed me. I was so shocked I had to think to kiss him back. When we had finished I looked him in the eye. "I love you Robin." I said.

"I love you too Starfire."

Beast boy POV.

Me and my girlfriend Raven went up to the roof. I had given her my signature, 'we need to talk' glare.

"What is it Beast boy?" Raven asked.

"I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. For all the trouble I've caused. I know that I've never been anything but a nuisance to the team. I wanted to tell you I'm leaving the Titans." I said, not making eye contact.

She just stared at me in shock.

"Beast boy. Why-,"

"Because I need some time to find myself. To think. And I cannot think well while I'm with the titans. This is something I have to do. This is an opportunity for me to let go of the blades."

Raven stepped up to me and I braced myself for the hurt words and tears. But was shocked by feeling a hug instead. I opened my eyes and Raven stood in front of me.

"I understand. This is something you need to do. But I really do need you. Please. Try not to be more than a year?" She asked sounding hopeful.

"I won't take more than half."

And it was right there that I made a promise to everyone I care about, that I would return to the purple haired empathy in under six months. I left on my journey. And for that brief time, I felt lonelier than ever.

Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. I shall do a chapter where Beast boy and Raven reunite. That will then conclude my first fanfiction. And thank you to those who flamed me. Without your flames I wouldn't be able to better my writing. So flame on.


	6. Chapter 6

A Raven's Secret Chapter six.

Raven POV.

It's been three years since Beast Boy left. No matter how hard I try, I can't find him. He said up to two years. Something is wrong. I just know it.

"Friend Raven, someone is here to see you." Starfire said through the door.

"I don't want to see you Bumblebee. Just go away." I said. I haven't been eating recently and all of the titans are worried. Even Kole and Gnarrk showed up to take a crack at getting me to eat.

"It isn't Bumblebee. Just please come out?" Cyborg asked.

"Fine." I said standing up and slipping my cloak on. They walked me down to the ops room.

"Hey." A familiar voice said.

"BEAST BOY!" I shouted and tackled him in a hug. He is taller than me now and three times as muscular as before.

"Hey Rae. It's been a while." He said smiling and pulling me into a kiss.

"A while, it's been three YEARS." I said crying and holding him.

"It's okay Rae. I know it's been three years. I had a few demons to chase down and deal with." Beast boy said darkly.

"Hmm…Can I read your mind?" I asked.

"I guess. Just, don't probe too much, I don't want you to know EVERYTHING about my past." He replied quietly.

"Beast Boy, you had better stop acting all depressed or I will use my abilities to MAKE you be happy." I threatened playfully.

"Okay. Okay. I give Star I give!" He said as Starfire pulled me off and began tickling him.

"Let's go and get pizza. I'm not in the mood to cook right now." Robin suggested.

"Oh YES. The pizza would be most delightful." Starfire said gleefully.

"Great." I said. In all truth, I would have to put the weight I lost back on.

"So, should we go by portal, car, separate?" I asked.

"Let's take the T Car." Cyborg decided.

"Cooooooool, can I drive?" Beast boy asked, regaining the childish cheerfulness.

"In your dreams Grass, you know what, yeah. You can drive. Just this once though." Cyborg said.

"ALL RIGHT!" Beast boy shouted.

"No detours Beast boy." Robin said.

"Ah MAN!" Beast boy said as he started the ignition.

"Be careful. The T Car is much more sensitive to pressure on the pedals than a normal car. You can't push too hard." Cyborg said.

Beast boy was surprisingly good at driving. We arrived faster than Cyborg had ever driven us.

"Alright, let's go." Beast boy said.

"You know what, let's just order a separate pizza for us all." Robin said.

"Won't that be expensive?" Cyborg asked.

"No. We got a major boost in our funding. Now instead of Three thousand a month to get our food and gas and stuff, we have Seven thousand." Robin said looking proud.

"AWSOME!" Beast boy shouted.

"I'll have one vegan pizza, one meat lovers pizza extra meat and sauce, one supreme pizza, one pepperoni, and one large pizza with pickles, bananas, and mint frosting." Beast boy said.

"Alright. Give us twenty minutes and all your pizzas will be ready." The nice lady behind the counter said.

We took our typical table and sat down.

"So, what have all the alerts been since I was gone?" Beast boy asked.

"We have had, 77 battles with Doctor Light, 104 battles with Plasmus, 45 battles with Mad Mod, 66 battles with Mumbo Jumbo, and 365 battles with Cinderblock." Robin said naming every battle they have had since he had left.

"Holy SHIT. That's like, 657 battles. And I missed all that?" Beast boy said astounded.

"Yeah. But never mind. So, how have you been?" Cyborg asked.

"I've been good, but I met up with-" BOOM.

"Right now? SERIOUSLY!?" I shouted as my bottle of pop levitated into the air and blew up twenty feet away.

"It's Cinderblock." Robin said.

"Seriously, how does he get OUT we deal with him on a daily basis!" Cyborg shouted.

"Doesn't matter. We have to get those people out of there." Robin said. "TITANS GO!"

I levitated into the air and broke a fire hydrant. I then used a trick to levitate all the water anto a platform and I shaped it into spheres. Which I shot at Cinderblock.

"Rargh!" He shouted as he felt one of his weaknesses hit him in the back. He picked up a car and threw it at me.

"RAWWW" Beast Boy shouted as he stopped the blow as a T-Rex falling out of the sky.

"Thank you Beast Boy." I said as Cyborg shot him with his sonic cannon.

"Taste defeat!" He shouted shooting.

Robin hurled six of his flash freeze discs at him. Cinderblock was frozen solid and didn't move.

"We did it." Robin said.

We then realized Starfire was nowhere to be seen.

"Starfire, Starfire, STARFIRE!" Robin shouted into his communicator.

"We'll find her Rob, don't worry." Beast boy said.

"Ugh, your pizzas are done." The lady said bringing them.

"Can you put them in boxes?" I asked, knowing Robin wouldn't eat, drink, or sleep until they found Starfire.

"Sure." She said putting them in boxes.

"We'll take the portal and go. Meet us back at the tower." I said to Cyborg and Beast Boy.

"Alright." Cyborg said.

When we got back we saw that Starfire was already there.

"STARFIRE, WHERE WERE YOU?" Robin said as he grabbed her into a hug.

"You did not have your staff Robin. I came back to get it for you." She said holding out the staff.

"Oh, well, thanks?" He said awkwardly.

"You got the pizzas?" She asked looking around.

"Beast Boy and Cyborg have them." I said.

"We're Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccck." Beast boy called.

Again, I never felt happier to be around him.

"Okay. Let's eat." Robin said.

(Later that night.)

I woke up to find myself in Beast Boy's room.

"Beast Boy?" I asked. I noticed he was in the bathroom.

"Beast Boy, are you okay?" I asked ten minutes later. Still no answer.

"Okay, I'm coming in there." I decided and ported through the door.

I saw him lying on the ground motionless with blood seeping out of his wrists.

"Beast Boy!" I shouted and knelt down by him.

"Raven…I…L…Love you…" He said as he died.

"No. No no no No NO NO NO!" I shouted as he went limp. I began crying uncontrollably.

"Raven, RAVEN!" I heard.

I woke up and saw Beat Boy standing above me.

"You killed yourself." I cried into his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Shhh, shhh, it was just a dream. Just a dream Raven." He said comfortingly.

"Would you ever kill yourself?" I asked.

"No. Never. I don't plan on hurting you like that." He said looking me in the eye.

"I love you." I said hugging him tighter.

"I love you too. And don't ever forget it. I won't leave you ever again."

Authors Note.

I'm suuuuuuuuuuuuuper sorry about not updating recently. I have been held down by school work and finals. Do you guys think I should write a sequel? If you do, PM me and tell me ideas. Once again I'm sorry about the late update. Lindberg Out.


End file.
